i try to see the good in life.

but good things in life are hard to find.

so i figured i'd do a little update. things are going good. i was stressing myself out a little too much the last couple weeks. i am now a hooters girl. it's a pretty awesome job. lately i've been craving a relationship. i have never had a boyfriend, and it really doesn't bother me. but theres sometimes when i have no one, that i wish i had that special person. the one i knew would always be there for me. would love me for me. i thought i had that person once before, but learned the hard way this was not the case. how do you know? when do you start to give them your heart, your soul, your life? to trust someone else so much. this is just a hard concept for me to grasp. i've given too many people all of my trust, and it most cases wish i wouldn't have. people are hard for me to understand sometimes. my thoughts are a blur right now. but these peanut butter m & m's are delicious. i miss cuddling, flirting, hugging, kissing, just being with..............................him.

but my stupid drunk ass ruined it. even though there was no second chance. this defined it. i will forever be viewed differently in his mind. and it's something i'll never be able to take back. and it tears me apart.

and for some reason i still miss dan. i'm totally over him. but i miss what we had. it was something i've never felt before. something i didn't get to keep for very long.